Hey there! I know right, I am such a lazy thing! X_X loool :D. This is one post I should have done a long time ago. I wrote this piece for my Faculty's paper and they refused to publish it.. oh well, good for me cos I didn't have to type anything :D. Hope you get gingered to read the book after you read this *shines teeth*. Enjoy! :* :*
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Book: The Thing Around Your Neck
Author: Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche
Publisher: Farafina Books
The first Chimamanda book I read was “Half Of A Yellow Sun”. After I read the book, I knew it wasn’t going to be the only book of hers I was going to read. Chimamanda is one author that keeps you engrossed all through novel. In fact her book is one you’d call a “fast page turner”.
After I read her other book “Purple Hibiscus”, I concluded that her third novel would also have a colour element in its title (like “Half Of A Yellow Sun” and “Purple Hibiscus”) so I came up with some titles on my own; “The sky looks gray” or “Our Green Land” Not very creative huh? Well, Miss Adiche proves to us that she’s not very predictable!
“The Thing Around Your Neck” is one book that has made me view life in different new dimensions. It has short stories that treat issues faced by people in Nigeria, as well as those in Diaspora. Some made me laugh, some made me cry and others had lessons for everyone to learn.
The first story “Cell One” tells the story of a boy over pampered by his parents, especially his mum and how he eventually ends up in jail. The end of the story however gives it its unusual twist and saves it from being another story with the theme ‘Train up your child’. A good one though!
“Imitation”, the second story was moving. A woman based in America, finds out that her husband’s girlfriend has moved into their house in Nigeria. I however expected a little more action in that story. I didn’t like the abrupt end.
“A Private Experience” made me cry. I felt very sad for the main character (what’s her name again? Oh well ask Rihanna… lol). The writing technique was very unique and fascinating. The main character lost her sister in a riot during their visit to Kano. Her experience with a hausa woman however changes her view about hausa people.
“On Monday of last week” was hilarious! Kamara, a Nigerian woman gets infatuated with an artist that complemented her “nice set of teeth”. She later realises painfully that the woman was just being artistic. I loved that story!
The title story “The thing around your neck” tells a story of a young Nigerian girl’s loneliness in America. She gets so lonely, she practically begins to feel it choking her every night, until she meets her American boyfriend. The narrative technique was really unique, like the other story.
I however had a particular problem with “the shivering” (there is going to be a likelihood of bias here, because I’m talking from the religious and public morality point of view) How come a fire for fire Christian ( as chinedu was depicted) is actually gay? I mean is the bible not against homosexuals?? Miss Adiche, as much as I enjoyed that story, I didn’t like the use of a so supposed- to-be powerful Christian, for that character.
The other stories were fantastic, and one major thing I noticed from all the stories is the fact that they all had a connection with America, in one way or the other, with the expectations of “The Headstrong Historian” and “The private experience”.
Miss chimamanda has kept our fingers crossed again and we can only hope for her next book would be as unpredictably captivating as the others!
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Thursday, 12 January 2012
On subsidy and all that...
I don't even know where to begin this, because to be honest i'm very confused and i'm not yet sure of where i stand. To me, Nigeria is just like the man that was sent to the river by his king. If he goes too close to the river, he'll drown, and if he returns back to the king, he'll be beheaded. What is he to do then?
There's one major thing i'm sure of, and it's the fact that we can afford the 'goodness and sweetness of life' Mr President is promising without removing the fuel subsidy. Yes, we can! I mean, we use #1billion to feed our president loaves of cassava bread (wait, what does he use his salary for sef?), #300million to buy dinning sets 4 aso rock (continue changing dinning sets like pants o!), ridiculous allowances are given to senators(furniture allowance every month? Aba!), doing foolish big brother for other african countries, i could go on!
If we cut down all these costs, don't you think we'll afford anything we want?
And err... those governors supporting this removal, you know why? 'Cos allocations will increase, and so will their bank accounts!
On the other hand though, GEJ may just want the best for Nigeria, but Nigerians have gone through too much to trust anyone now. What if, at the end of it all, everything turns out well, would we not be embarrassed to have protested for nothing? The plan sounds lame and watery right, but what if it just turns out fine?
Anyways, i think GEJ is there to rep us, not act like our daddy telling us what's best for us! We elected him and if we want the price back to the status quo, he must oblige! If he really thought removal was best, why didn't he tell us to vote for him and that 'I'll remove fuel subsidy if you vote for me'. Why did he have to use that lame 'i had no shoes' line? I think there's more to this removal thing than is being let on.
Sweet, nice, cute loving, handsome Mr President, i might be confused on the position to take, but i'm sure of one thing; I'd rather spend #350 to yaba than spend #700. Pls do something quick, i don't want my brain to be filled with cobwebs when we resume.
Naija o ni baje o!
There's one major thing i'm sure of, and it's the fact that we can afford the 'goodness and sweetness of life' Mr President is promising without removing the fuel subsidy. Yes, we can! I mean, we use #1billion to feed our president loaves of cassava bread (wait, what does he use his salary for sef?), #300million to buy dinning sets 4 aso rock (continue changing dinning sets like pants o!), ridiculous allowances are given to senators(furniture allowance every month? Aba!), doing foolish big brother for other african countries, i could go on!
If we cut down all these costs, don't you think we'll afford anything we want?
And err... those governors supporting this removal, you know why? 'Cos allocations will increase, and so will their bank accounts!
On the other hand though, GEJ may just want the best for Nigeria, but Nigerians have gone through too much to trust anyone now. What if, at the end of it all, everything turns out well, would we not be embarrassed to have protested for nothing? The plan sounds lame and watery right, but what if it just turns out fine?
Anyways, i think GEJ is there to rep us, not act like our daddy telling us what's best for us! We elected him and if we want the price back to the status quo, he must oblige! If he really thought removal was best, why didn't he tell us to vote for him and that 'I'll remove fuel subsidy if you vote for me'. Why did he have to use that lame 'i had no shoes' line? I think there's more to this removal thing than is being let on.
Sweet, nice, cute loving, handsome Mr President, i might be confused on the position to take, but i'm sure of one thing; I'd rather spend #350 to yaba than spend #700. Pls do something quick, i don't want my brain to be filled with cobwebs when we resume.
Naija o ni baje o!
Friday, 4 November 2011
The Last Attempt.
Dotun is staring at the river. The water looks cold. No, freezing. He had intentionally picked this day. The weatherman had predicted a very cold night."very convenient" he thinks to himself.
Dotun glances around to check if anyone was in sight and sees no one. Its already 2am in the night and this is much expected.
That phone call had changed his life. The caller had asked; 'Do you know a Miss Seyi Lawal?'
'Yes' He had answered 'how can i help you?'
'I'm very sorry to tell you sir, but her body was found on the University Road last night.' the caller paused
'a stray bullet hit her'
His head had spun fast
'are you there sir?'
'Yes' He answered weakly
'We would like you to come and identify her body. It has been taken to Tejuosho Morgue'
He had dropped the call and wept. Wept for all he had lost. Everything he ever lived for was gone.
He might not have cried that much. If he hadn't just buried his wife and only son, he might not have cried that much. If he hadn't been the driver and only survivor of the accident, he might not have cried that much. Maybe if he had not sent his dear daughter to Lasun, his shoe maker.
Dotun bends down to tie the weight around his leg. He had come prepared. No mistke is to be allowed this time.
This is not his first suicide attempt. The first time, The rope he had hung himself with broke just as he 'pushed the stool'.
The second time, his nosy neighbor, Baba Elebijo had rushed him to the hospital just after he had shot himself. The bullet narrowly missed his heart and all he had was a bruised rib cage.
At the third attempt, he downed s glass of shaving powder and had thrown it all up 3mins later
The fourth attempt made him believe that there were forces against him. Mama Tope from down the street's house had been burning and he had sneaked in quietly when everyone was too busy shouting 'ohhhh' and 'ahhhh' and 'oma seun ooo'. The whole house had burnt down to ashes, and he had had a beautiful sleep.
Dotun glances round for the last time. He is breathing faster and the air is very cold.He crosses over the railing, takes a deep breathe and jumps into the river. Just as he jumps, the weight he had tied round his leg breaks away.
Two unmarked policemen that were on patrol nearby sight him and jump in after him. They rescue him and say "you are hearby arrested in accordance to section 327 of the criminal code. You are hereby advised to keep quiet...'
" I ask for only one thing' Dotun cuts in, 'A death sentence'.
Dotun glances around to check if anyone was in sight and sees no one. Its already 2am in the night and this is much expected.
That phone call had changed his life. The caller had asked; 'Do you know a Miss Seyi Lawal?'
'Yes' He had answered 'how can i help you?'
'I'm very sorry to tell you sir, but her body was found on the University Road last night.' the caller paused
'a stray bullet hit her'
His head had spun fast
'are you there sir?'
'Yes' He answered weakly
'We would like you to come and identify her body. It has been taken to Tejuosho Morgue'
He had dropped the call and wept. Wept for all he had lost. Everything he ever lived for was gone.
He might not have cried that much. If he hadn't just buried his wife and only son, he might not have cried that much. If he hadn't been the driver and only survivor of the accident, he might not have cried that much. Maybe if he had not sent his dear daughter to Lasun, his shoe maker.
Dotun bends down to tie the weight around his leg. He had come prepared. No mistke is to be allowed this time.
This is not his first suicide attempt. The first time, The rope he had hung himself with broke just as he 'pushed the stool'.
The second time, his nosy neighbor, Baba Elebijo had rushed him to the hospital just after he had shot himself. The bullet narrowly missed his heart and all he had was a bruised rib cage.
At the third attempt, he downed s glass of shaving powder and had thrown it all up 3mins later
The fourth attempt made him believe that there were forces against him. Mama Tope from down the street's house had been burning and he had sneaked in quietly when everyone was too busy shouting 'ohhhh' and 'ahhhh' and 'oma seun ooo'. The whole house had burnt down to ashes, and he had had a beautiful sleep.
Dotun glances round for the last time. He is breathing faster and the air is very cold.He crosses over the railing, takes a deep breathe and jumps into the river. Just as he jumps, the weight he had tied round his leg breaks away.
Two unmarked policemen that were on patrol nearby sight him and jump in after him. They rescue him and say "you are hearby arrested in accordance to section 327 of the criminal code. You are hereby advised to keep quiet...'
" I ask for only one thing' Dotun cuts in, 'A death sentence'.
Saturday, 8 October 2011
My Roommate.
Year 2000.
We were having dinner that day. The day popci announced that we would be moving to a new house. I was Happy. No, excited is the word. I wanted my room purple. Just like this one :):
Not like I got it though. Instead, i got a pink one. But that's not my story.
Year 2009.
I was watching a very interesting program. Mum came upstairs and said 'Do you remember Mrs Okikiola in church?'
Why is this woman disturbing me now?? I thought to myself.
'Yes' I replied. My eyes glued to the screen (and I really did not know the woman)
'Well she gave birth in London yesterday, after 20yrs of marriage'
'Ehen? Thank God' I had replied, my eyes not leaving the tv'
'Mr Folayeni's wife also gave birth yesterday' She said again.
Ok. Why these birth stories I asked in my mind?
'Eeya' I replied still watching my programme. I just wanted to be left alone.
'We are expecting another baby' she said at last.
And that did get my attention.
'You are joking' I said looking at her tummy. 'Be serious mum!' I begged.
'I'm serious' She said, looking really serious. 'I'm 5months pregnant already and I didn't even know'
'Praise God!' I exclaimed thinking she was joking. And I continued watching my programme.
After the programme, the reality of the news knocked me down.
Wait, I'm in 100level, and I'm about to have a sibling I was probably old enough to give birth to. I wouldn't be just me and my brother anymore, and most of all, if it was a girl, she would have to share my room.
Ok, i didn't like the last part. I was not happy about it. The thought of sharing my pink room was not pleasant. I was not happy.
Now.
My room mate turned out to be one hell of a pretty chick. She's funny, smart and fun. I have a new room mate, and she's cute!
We were having dinner that day. The day popci announced that we would be moving to a new house. I was Happy. No, excited is the word. I wanted my room purple. Just like this one :):
Not like I got it though. Instead, i got a pink one. But that's not my story.
Year 2009.
I was watching a very interesting program. Mum came upstairs and said 'Do you remember Mrs Okikiola in church?'
Why is this woman disturbing me now?? I thought to myself.
'Yes' I replied. My eyes glued to the screen (and I really did not know the woman)
'Well she gave birth in London yesterday, after 20yrs of marriage'
'Ehen? Thank God' I had replied, my eyes not leaving the tv'
'Mr Folayeni's wife also gave birth yesterday' She said again.
Ok. Why these birth stories I asked in my mind?
'Eeya' I replied still watching my programme. I just wanted to be left alone.
'We are expecting another baby' she said at last.
And that did get my attention.
'You are joking' I said looking at her tummy. 'Be serious mum!' I begged.
'I'm serious' She said, looking really serious. 'I'm 5months pregnant already and I didn't even know'
'Praise God!' I exclaimed thinking she was joking. And I continued watching my programme.
After the programme, the reality of the news knocked me down.
Wait, I'm in 100level, and I'm about to have a sibling I was probably old enough to give birth to. I wouldn't be just me and my brother anymore, and most of all, if it was a girl, she would have to share my room.
Ok, i didn't like the last part. I was not happy about it. The thought of sharing my pink room was not pleasant. I was not happy.
Now.
My room mate turned out to be one hell of a pretty chick. She's funny, smart and fun. I have a new room mate, and she's cute!
Monday, 15 August 2011
Ben Adams.
I woke up that morning. It was a chilly but peaceful morning. I was home alone with my brother, we were on break from school. I picked my phone to do the usual thing 'Tweet'. I had a message from call centre. I opened it to read it, and it read: "Dear customer, You have just won #1 millon naira for playing the recharge and win promo, your batch number is G36. Call Mr Ben Adams on 080xxxxxxxx for futher details".
Goodness gracious me!!! I rubbed my face very well to ensure i was really holding my own phone, and that i was really awake and not dreaming. 'This is a bloody scam!!!' i screamed. My brother ran to my room 'whats wrong?' i showed him the message. 'its 419 jor! that bulk sms stuff he said, obviously shocked too'. I scrolled down to check if there was a number... and there it was 111. I could not believe my luck! The message was really from the network!! 'Lets call Ben Adams!!!' I screamed
'Welcome to naija network my name is Ben Adams, how can i help you??' His voice sounded so professional. This was real. He sounded too polished to be a scammer. This was too good to be true!
'Good morning, i got a message about winning something, and i was asked to call you' i answered holding my breathe.
'ok, was there a batch number in the message madam?' he even called me madam, professionally.
'yes, yes there was'
'ok, pls give it to me madam'
'G36' i answered quickly
'ok. Pls madam, can you call me back in 2mins, i need to check if your name is on the list'
'sure, sure'
2 minutes later, no i didn't want to look TOO desperate... so i added 2 more minutes.
'Thanks for calling back madam, i am happy to inform you that you have won #1 millon' i could hear the smile in his warm voice.
Calm down, calm down, i told my self. Don't sound too excited! i tried to caution myself
'are you serious?' i asked calmly
'yes madam' he answered with a smile in his voice
'wow thanks' i said
'you welcome ma. You would have to send #1000 credit with your batch number in a text message so we can register you ma' he continued.
I frowned. Why was he asking for credit?? I had been warned against fraudster asking for account numbers. Oh well he wasn't asking for my account number. This had to be real.
I sent the credit and called him back.
'Welcome back ma. Pls you have to send the following information: Name, Next of kin, Occupation and Bank. Pls madam do not send you account no he emphasised'. I was super happy! No account no? This is definitely real!
I thought to myself, i woke up penniless, but now i'm a millionaire. How great!
Then something struck me. Call the customer care yourself to find out how real this is. I told my brother, and he agreed. We called them.
'Welcome to naija network, how can i help you?' A lady answered. I told her what the problem was and she laughed.
'Call centre never sends messages. And if you are a winner, we call, not ask you to call. Be careful madam'
I dropped the call and stared at the list of things i had planned to do with the money;
PS: This really happened to me.
Thanks for reading. Pls post your comments, and pls, do come back again! Gracias!! :)
Goodness gracious me!!! I rubbed my face very well to ensure i was really holding my own phone, and that i was really awake and not dreaming. 'This is a bloody scam!!!' i screamed. My brother ran to my room 'whats wrong?' i showed him the message. 'its 419 jor! that bulk sms stuff he said, obviously shocked too'. I scrolled down to check if there was a number... and there it was 111. I could not believe my luck! The message was really from the network!! 'Lets call Ben Adams!!!' I screamed
'Welcome to naija network my name is Ben Adams, how can i help you??' His voice sounded so professional. This was real. He sounded too polished to be a scammer. This was too good to be true!
'Good morning, i got a message about winning something, and i was asked to call you' i answered holding my breathe.
'ok, was there a batch number in the message madam?' he even called me madam, professionally.
'yes, yes there was'
'ok, pls give it to me madam'
'G36' i answered quickly
'ok. Pls madam, can you call me back in 2mins, i need to check if your name is on the list'
'sure, sure'
2 minutes later, no i didn't want to look TOO desperate... so i added 2 more minutes.
'Thanks for calling back madam, i am happy to inform you that you have won #1 millon' i could hear the smile in his warm voice.
Calm down, calm down, i told my self. Don't sound too excited! i tried to caution myself
'are you serious?' i asked calmly
'yes madam' he answered with a smile in his voice
'wow thanks' i said
'you welcome ma. You would have to send #1000 credit with your batch number in a text message so we can register you ma' he continued.
I frowned. Why was he asking for credit?? I had been warned against fraudster asking for account numbers. Oh well he wasn't asking for my account number. This had to be real.
I sent the credit and called him back.
'Welcome back ma. Pls you have to send the following information: Name, Next of kin, Occupation and Bank. Pls madam do not send you account no he emphasised'. I was super happy! No account no? This is definitely real!
I thought to myself, i woke up penniless, but now i'm a millionaire. How great!
Then something struck me. Call the customer care yourself to find out how real this is. I told my brother, and he agreed. We called them.
'Welcome to naija network, how can i help you?' A lady answered. I told her what the problem was and she laughed.
'Call centre never sends messages. And if you are a winner, we call, not ask you to call. Be careful madam'
I dropped the call and stared at the list of things i had planned to do with the money;
- Tithe - #100000
- New blackberry- #90000
- Shopping- #200000
- Femi(my brother)- #100000
- Give rest to popci to keep.
PS: This really happened to me.
Thanks for reading. Pls post your comments, and pls, do come back again! Gracias!! :)
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